Finding Sunshine in the Summer

Week 3 of summer and I ask, "Is it time to start classes yet please?"
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hate summer break.

I've moved several times in my life and on very distinct intervals.  I have moved every six years of my life like clock work.  It was never planned like that.  Life just moved us as it pleased.  My final move, at the end of six years in my Podunk little town, was my move to college in the city.  Now, I'm home again.  I have never moved back to a previous place in my entire life, and I have to say it is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt.  In each town, in the sixth year, I always began to feel restless.  My friends seemed to dissipate, and I just got extremely bored with life.  This boredom and unhappiness made moving fairly easy.  I always got excited to see the new house and meet new friends.  It was like I was starting over, and I could be anyone I wanted to be.  It was a new journey.  Moving home from college for the summer was not like that at all.

I didn't have time to become restless in college before I had to leave.  I miss living in the city.  The crowded streets I once despised now linger in all my favorite memories.  Out in the country, I feel secluded and alone.  I miss everyone running up and down the hallways.  I miss seeing my friends and people who love me.  Don't get me wrong; my family loves me very much, and I have never doubted that.  However, I spend many hours alone when I'm home.  Even though I enjoy my alone time, I miss having it be a treasure.  At college it was something I had to search for, so I treasured it so much more.  It was special.  At home I spend my days hunting for social interaction.  If I get bored, I instantly go to Facebook to see if anyone's online that I can talk to.  Sadly, I even call my mother periodically throughout the day simply because I need to know I'm not the only person on Earth.

I'm over living here.  I'm ready for a new environment-I had a new environment! Moving back is incredibly hard.  It's like returning to an old class you've already taken.  You know everything the professor is teaching.  You've done all the homework before, and the projects are no longer new and exciting.  I'm bored.  I know if I try hard enough I could learn something-grow somehow.  It's just easier in a new and challenging place.  It's hard to challenge one's self in a place and time when others discourage change.

I want change. I want life! I don't want sameness and routine.  I find no joy in any of those things any more.  I am a different person from when I left this place last fall.  Now, I have to learn to live in this town as the person I am now against all obstacles while at the same time trying to enjoy my summer (as I cannot handle unhappiness and boredom for long).  I have to find the sunshine in the summer.